It is scary being a minority in India but it is intolerable being a racial minorities. (A quote from one of my blog post in 2007)
Growing up in the hills of Manipur, I never have had any problem calling myself an Indian. Every once in a week, in the private school I attended, we would be asked to sing the national anthem of India and we would mumble the words through despite not having the slightest clue about its meaning. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember ever questioning my nationality while I was living in the North-east, not even a single time.
But once I left the north-east to pursue higher education in Delhi, I was constantly forced to answer the question regarding my nationality. I don’t have any problem with curious people asking my nationality –if they ask, I can always clarify. But it is just too much to tolerate on everyday basis the ignorant masses that are too stupid to have any curiosity or the audacity to ask, yet still call you all the names that they can think of.
You can dismiss them as ignorant, but when they chose your facial features or skin colour to call you names, it’s nothing but pure racism. What most people don’t know is that racism can be mild, coated or blown-out abuses, or that it can come in the form of silence or unspoken gesture. One of my blog posts in 2008:
In India, more than the majority doesn’t even know what racism or discrimination means. The lower caste people are so used to the abuses they only cursed their lot instead of fighting for justice, while the upper castes are used to abusing the lower castes who legitimatize by accepting the abuses. So you can forget about expecting anyone from knowing what little and minor things, words, expression and gestures constitute racism and discrimination. (Read the full article here)
Around 2007-08, I used to blog about my ordeal (see my blog posts here) in Delhi, but what hurt me the most at that time was the ignorance and self-righteousness of the Indian masses, including the media. The piousness and self-righteousness of the media over their own racism at that time was almost nauseating.
In 2008, I wrote:
Mainland Indians’ anti-racist gestures come out of the woodwork only when they perceived themselves as the target, or if it happened in the west. Just take a look at the Shilpa Shetty’s or the Lakshmi Mittal’s issues.
They stereotyped themselves only as possible victim that they forget to look home and notice that they are ruthless perpetrator themselves. If you don’t understand what I meant, you don’t have to look further than the 10 pages of matrimonial advertisements coming with your newspaper every morning. (read the full article here)
Despite the fact that I have lived over a decade in mainland India now, I continue to face the question of my nationality. But now I work in the rural areas and interacted mostly with children, I used it as an opportunity to build rapport or to start a conversation, so it benefit me with my work, and they too learned something.
But I’m tired, tired of being questioned about my nationality all the time. I'm tired, tired of proving my Indianess every time. Because the more people ask me about my nationality, the more they make me feel alienated. And forgive me if you think I am not a patriotic Indian no matter what I really feel inside, because I cannot, and they would not let me be an Indian!
